tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 25, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PDT
>> jimmy: welcome. i appreciate that. thank you. thank you for watching. we have a lot going on tonight. we had a lot going on last night much the reason my voice sounds like big ang from "mob wives" i hosted the emmy awards last night. and i was out very late. you know that the host also has to clean the theater after the show? they told me it's a tradition. i love this mug thing. i haveview's sweet 16 mug and then we had a party afterwards and i've been exhausted all day. i knew i was in trouble this morning when i found myself googling the recipe for honey boo-boo's go go juice. glad i have it here. we have two of the stars tonight, and my favorite band
the killers. i ask you to be quiet. my head hurts. i like this mug thing. the thing i asked for "modern family" and "homeland." damian lewis won best actor for his role in maybe the most unlikely character on tv a red-headed terrorist. there weren't many african-american actors represented at the emmys. only five were for black actors. good news there was not a single kardashian in the audience last night. tracy morgan helped me out last night. tracy morgan is about the funniest guy. we pulled a prank on the people that weren't watching the actors. i asked folks to go on facebook
and say oh, my god, tracy morgan passed out on the stage, then he lied motionless. it created a big commotion. in 3 million, there were tweets about it and somebody updated the wick feedia place. tracy jamal morgan. born november 10th died september 23rd at the emmy awards. tracy is fine. i mean he's not fine. he's crazy. but he's not dead. i'm thank follow to him and josh groban who sang my "in memoriam" segment. they shot a parody of the griffith show for us. we opened the show in the ladies room with some of the most
talented women. ellen degeneres. connie britain. zooey deschanel and reality host that hosted the emmys last night. that's on the youtube channel. we shot is saturday which was the day before the show. and captured fun behind the shows. i thought it would be nice to share behind the scenes stuff with you tonight much this is behind the scenes of emmy show open. >> i can't believe the octomom has to go through this every morning. and raise 85 kids. here we per behind the scenes. >> working with jimmy, acting is like tennis, you play with a great it ups your game. . i can't host the emmys. >> we'll do it. >> i was impressed when jimmy
put my pants on. >> take mine. >> he had the ability to make them look lumpy and misshapen. not everyone can do that. >> it was tough, wasn't it, getting the punch right? >> yeah. >> i did hit him a lot. >> all i know they asked me to show up. i got there and they wanted me to punch some guy's face. i said who, they said jimmy kimmel. i really went to town on his face. it felt great to punch jimmy but i also punched martha. >> oh, jesus, mary, are you okay? >> right in the nose. >> hitting jimmy is a little bit like hitting a soft bag of cheese, maybe a brie. >> it felt good, i kept popping him and popping him. i really got into it. he just has that kind of face.
>> i'm kicked i won't hurt you again. >> don't do that. >> i'm sorry. you're sensitive. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen. now with the emmys behind us, we turn our attention to a new season of "dancing with the stars." they're alling it "dancing with the stars" all-stars which is funny, because it basically admits these stars on previous seasons weren't, but you probably call "dancing with the stars" who are bad at managing their savings. lineup includes kirstie alley, pamela anderson. shawn johnson, speed skater apolo anton ohno. >> gilles marina. melissa rye cost. jos
jos josie joey fatone. as with my tradition i'll pick a winner tonight. i do this at the beginning of every season. before he see a single step. i make a prediction. and bet $1,000. you can bet on this all line. for some reason i'm good at this. i started with season five. with helio. and christi. and next season i went with erin andrews, she finished third and jennifer grey. she won. in the moment of weakness. oh that's hines ward. he won. david arquette. i lost. donald driver he finished first. i think i've been right seven out of 11 types that's why they call me nostradancesmus.
>> it's a lot harder with the all-stars. they're all pretty good. they gave it a lot of thought. before the show i wrote my selection down in a piece of paper and it's now guillermo's mouth. >> it's in there. no one tampered with it. are you positive? >> drum roll, please. guillermo, if you would, remove the briefcase and reveal my selection for this season of "dancing with the stars." >> gilles marini! >> the underdog. i took him once. i lost with him. i believe gilles marini wins "dancing with the stars" all-star edition. gilles god give you the strength to make my bet pay off. he got the second highest score.
emmitt smith at the highest score. they're giving half points out this season. which i like. it's a new development. here's a fun piece of footage courtesy of flavor flav. flava flav ran into miley cyrus and fortunately a camera was on hand to catch this clash of the titans on stage. >> one right here. big camera. >> thank you. >> good to see you. >> you too. see you later. see you later. bye. >> god bless, you all.
>> wow! >> he's the best. he's the best. to be fair. miley cyrus doesn't recognize miley cyrus. that may have been the most embarrassing thing to happen to him since he got dressed this morning and wore that outfit. i like to see him in a button down shirt and pair of dockers to go what it would be like. i was happy to have my pal guillermo back stage. did you have fun last night? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: he did have fun. after, i don't know how many years interviewing celebrities face to face. i think you'll like this. here's guillermo and some winners of the primetime emmy awards back-to-back. ♪
>> hi, how are you, mr. eric stone -- >> street. >> street? >> yeah, stonestreet, put them together. how many fingers am i holding up right now? >> feels like two. >> you're a very good actor too. thank you very much. gee arrow. >> thank you very much mr. eric streetstone? >> no, stonestreet. >> i hope you get drunk tonight. >> thank you very much. >> all right. all right. hi, how are you? >> i'm really well. so, tell me, what's next for cla danes. >> hi, mr. louis "c" -- that's me? >> how do you spell your name?
>> louis see kay? >> like spanish? >> hi, how are you? >> congratulation on the emmy. >> grass jucious. >> what is next for juliey julia -- >> julie -- >> what's next for you? >> can i lick your emmy? >> yeah. >> what part of the emmy do you want to lick? >> you tell me. >> there's a lot of great parts. >> you know what, i like the butt. >> okay, thank you. hold on. no more back to back. now it's front to back. >> oh, my goodness. it's a revolution.
okay? >> would you like to do a toast? >> i would like to do a toast. okay. hold on, don't go anywhere. to winning emmys. >> thank you. >> guillermo, what the hell -- what is that? >> oh, it's mexican water. let's do a toast. >> yeah. >> all right. let's do a toast. >> what, you have a drink? >> [ bleep ]. >> okay? >> toerks is what i think it is. >> goodness. that's okay. >> that's okay? >> yeah. >> salute? >> okay. >> you're so good. >> what? . >> okay. >> oh cheese.
>> okay. that's fantastic. >> you feel like making a bad decision with me? >> what's going to happen? >> i want to give you something. okay? >> okay. because you're the most beautiful girl -- beautiful lady here. i've been saving this rose for you. >> thank you so much. you're not going to give it to any other lady -- >> no, i was saving it just for you. >> i want to give you a nose. you're the most beautiful lady here. i don't know where the night will take us. >> i want to point out i'm the only lady here. >> can i give you a kiss? >> yes, you may. >> oh, thank you, thank you. that was lovery. >> not so much tongue next time. thank you? >> all right.guillermo.
>> this interview is over. >> sober or over? >> over. >> it's not sober at all. >> go, get out of here -- >> why don't you get out of here. >> all right. you stay. >> why don't you get out of here? >> do you want to come to my after party? >> okay. ♪ >> jimmy: another job well done. thank you, guillermo. we have a bad host with a good show. from "modern family" jesse tyler ferguson is here much we have music from the killers and we'll be right back with julianna margulies. so, stick around. the applebee's 2 for $20 is one appetizer, two entrees for just 20 bucks. only the best dishes make the menu. it's a southwest showdown. the chefs are coming out choppin'!
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program his show, "modern family" returns with new episodes on wednesday at 9 here on abc. jesse tyler ferguson is here. and then with music from their new album, the killers. the pride of las vegas, the killers from the bud light outdoor stage. >> tomorrow night we'll be joined by melanie griffith, kerry washington, the first castoff from dancing with stars, and have music from alanis morissette. and later this week, keanu reeves, selena gomez, ginnfer goodwin, from the new abc show "the neighbors" lenny venito, and music from hot chip and tony bennett. >> jimmy: last night our first guest proved that in addition to being a good wife, she's one of america's outstanding actresses;
her show, "the good wife" returns to cbs sunday at 9pm. please welcome julianna margulies. [ cheers and applause ] you were out even later than i was last night. i was at your heart -- he had a great party. >> jimmy: i'm sorry i didn't see you at the party. i was sitting in the corner going, we got to go home. my girlfriend kept going, it's your party, you need to stay to the end. i wanted to go home. >> that's because you had to work the next day. and you did a great job. you did. i'm not just saying that. it can be a long show. i looked at my husband and i said, it's over. it's the first time i ever felt it went fast.
>> thank you, i appreciate that. i get that from women a lot. >> nice. >> how are you feeling today? >> you know, i'm good. we stayed out late. >> you worked another party after you were at my party. >> i went to christon wiig and had a dance party. and i'm in every scene in my show. during the week i'm a very god girl. i'm like an eowe olympian, i eat really well, i learn lines and occasionally i say hi to my kins. last night i need to have a minute to let my hair down. i had three dirty martinis. >> three? >> that's pretty good. over the course of three parties. there's an old saying. do you know the saying about
martinis? >> i don't think so. is it james bond oriented? it's dorothy parker. she would say one martini, three the most. four you're up the table. five you're the host. >> vodka, olives, very mouth and four glasses. chap chap. >> and i had to get up this morning and do press. because our show shoots in new york. whenever i'm here i try to do the l.a. stuff that i didn't get to. >> did your husband have fun? >> he had a ball. he's a got p man. >> him, there's only upsides to this. this is a tree -- no one gets to do this. >> you changed dresses from the emmy show to the party. >> to your party.
>> why is that? >> my dress, there was a lot of it. it's couture and one of at kind, unbelievably expensive and keep it in fact. a lot much times you see them in these dress then they were at parties -- >> you thought you were going to get meatballs -- maybe mi. we're earth conscious. i always ask for a hybrid strong sedan to these things. i do don't do a long stretch li limo. i found a girl friend there. and i did the whole thing on the move in the back seat of the said dan. i went from my dance to a jump street on the move. >> wow. >> i dent saying to the driver, don't look in the myrrearview m >> you have a driver don't look
in the rearview -- >> my husband had his hand like this. >> a tmz helicopter could have landed right in there. >> it was quick, i did it fast. >> left year you won the emmy. this year you did not. you did it fast. you possibly have nobody left to thank, do you? >> i've been very lucky. i was very happy for clair. i knew she would win. i had no pressure. i didn't prepare a speech. once you've won. you can sort of enjoit night and not worry. >> jimmy: it seemed like i was watching you when the announcement was made. you seemed debts appointing. >> no, six of us were nominated. the fact that you even get there. >> jimmy: during the speech you did seem a little disappointed to me. maybe i'm just reading into it. >> i really was happy for clair.
she's pregnant. i've known clair forever. she's a friend of mine. i'm thrilled -- >> jimmy: can i show you? because let's just look at the tape from last night. >> and the emmy goes to -- >> clair daynes. >> oh. i have to start by thanking our write writers -- >> boo! i thought julian no should have won. >> do you see what i mean by that? do you understand what i'm saying -- >> i can't believe that was cap pureed on camera. >> people at home get the wrong
question. >> i feel awful. clair i'm so sorry. >> you know what it is. maybe i had a martini before. >> maybe you had four martinis. now i have to send her flowers? >> jimmy: is there any chance the academy held the fact that you were in a movie "snakes on a plain" against you? why were you on the movie "snakes on a plane." >> first of all i'm huge in japan. i really wanted to work with samuel l. jackson who i think is -- and i wanted to do something, you know, everyone always considers me to be a serious actress. i wanted to do something campy and fun like a silly movie with snakes. however, i am not good with
snakes. >> who is? there's a couple guys good with snakes. >> reporter: >> maybe they don't know a lot of people. snake people are just different people. >> yeah, they are. they are more adventurous. >> when you're in a movie like sam jackson. learn from the people who everybody in the business a while. imhe, to be honest. scared -- scared of snakes. that's the third martini wearing off. >> this makes your decision even more puzzling as far as being in the movie. >> but i found out sam jackson in his contract. this say true story, had it in his contract that the snakes had to be within 25 feet of them. they could not come closer. >> there's a radius around him. >> is he so scared. he didn't want to look at them.
see them. touch them. whatever he says i do. i biggy backed on his contract and said to me too. so the two leads of the movie. all about snakes in their krts said they wouldn't go near them. it's like the magic of movie makers. >> jimmy: i would but that in every contract even if there's no snakes in the movie. okay. good, we'll get this going. there he is. wait a minute. >> what is that? >> what happened to the rest of the bottle. all right. well, we'll talk about this. >> the "dancing with the stars" reunion got their first -- >> the good wife is such a great show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you have a lot of good co-stars coming up? >> it's an amazing season so
far. >> i saw kristen chin wealchrie coming up. >> i was doing a scene with nathan lane. f. murray. i was like wow i'm the only one that zoept have a ton tony awar >> no more snakes on a plane either. >> thank you. >> juliana appears sunday night. i'll be right back with jesse tyler ferguson. [ male announcer ] here it comes! it's the 20th edition
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>> dickey: this week on "jimmy kimmel live" selena gomez, kerry washington, ginnifer goodwin, keanu reeves, and the next bachelor. and the first castoff from "dancing with the stars." plus music from tony bennett, hot chip,and alanis morissette. get the new jimmy kimmel itunes ap. joe to jklapps right now to get it now.
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>> jimmy: last night, our next guest faced stiff competition from his tv boyfriend, father, and brother-in-law. he is a 3-time emmy nominee for his role as mitchell on america's favorite show "modern family." the new season premieres wednesday at 9 here on abc. please welcome, jesse tyler ferguson. >> it takes more time to go around. >> it's very stylish. >> my beau tbow tie. that i started. >> which foundation? >> me and my fiance -- someone in middle america had a heart attack.
we started a website called tie the knot. >> is it a website? tie the knot.org. >> justin is your fiance. >> how does it work when two guys get married? who proposes? >> i suppose because i made more money, it was up to me -- student loans, mine are paid off. i guess this is in my court. >> you get a diamond ring? i got a watch. a rolex. it's not like a swatch. >> jimmy: did you do it the traditional way? >> again i was like what do i do, how do i do this? he was actually in an adirondack sha chair. i short of like crouched.
>> here's the watch. >> here's the watch. >> it was very ambiguous. >> jimmy: i guess the rules have not been written. >> a watch is so much better than a ring. >> it's so much more practical. >> no, no. >> you can't tell time on a ring. >> i thought of getting a sun dial but i thought i'd get a watch. >> congratulations. you did such a great job. i know you're feeling ill. >> i'm not feeling ill. i was yelling. you may have noticed i was almost completely demolished? after you're finished with the show i wanted to go home and go to sleep. i was still tired. talking to people in my loud voice. you brought our mom? >> i brought mom and justin's mom. and justin.
they were horrible dates. >>sciatica. it was so hot. justin's mom went and fainted. i was like, okay, man down. and my mom at the end of the ceremony's sciatica was working up and she took a tumble into the aisle. a alec baldwin as she calls him. it was so embarrassing. >> are you sure it's an accidental fall on to alec baldwin? >> she is twisted. it's available. >> that would be really weird with him as my father-in-law. how with wo that work? i don't know. >> he would be your stepfather. they were like take off their shoes and walking to the hallways in their spanx.
like they unzipped into the lobby. >> you tweeted a picture. is that you? >> there it is. when did it come tos, spanx with our son. when did it come to this. >> jimmy: are spanx underwear too? >> yes, they have them in the pocket. they're extremely uncomfortable. >> yes, they were. let's be honest. >> jimmy: did they have a good time? >> they had a great time. seeing the celebrities get the names wrong. >> that's what happens to parents when they suddenly lose the ability? >> do you live in the same newspaper as we do?
>> i saw david duchovny is a little out of the lead and cher. >> sher? >> cher, it's from your generation, not mine. >> that is so good. oh, my god. >> jimmy: the winner of your category. i still think you're making a mistake all being in the same category. the winner is eric stonestreet who is your husband on the show. his character. and, jack, comfortable at all? >> listen, img' so filmed to him. he was so jenngenerous to me in speech and rightfully show e. i was very happy for him. >> jimmy: was he rooting for you? >> he said weigh. he said he want need win, so -- >> i think the lean he might get
the nod over you. he's a straight guy playing a gay guy. it's more of a challenge being a gay guy, dating a gay guy. you might want to think about dating women. >> i have a plan. >> jimmy: i heard about this plan. it's an unusual plan. >> do you love if i play this? >> we can start the campaign. it's never too soon. >> i agree with you. well, this is the plan. >> eric stone street won another emmy. if eric stonestreet really loved ty, es ex, bill, he should party them. but he won't. because eric stonestreet gay he steals jobs from americans.
>> i want you to know i never missed one. >> and he's a liar. you can stand up here in front of all of you beautiful team. eric stonestreet, actor, liar, ass-kisser. con grad layings on your emmy. include fr clown. >> i'm jesse tyler ferguson and i approve this message. >> i like it. before scene of the modern family premieres wednesday here on abc. we'll be right back with the killers skrm
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is their new album, it's called "battle born" here with the song "miss atomic bomb", the killers! ♪ you were standing with your girlfriends in the street falling back on forever♪ ♪ i wonder what you came to be i was new in town the boy with eager eyes i never was a quitter♪ ♪ oblivious to school girls'
lies and when i look back on those neon nights♪ ♪ the leather seat the passage rite i feel the heat i see the light♪ ♪ miss atomic bomb making out we got the radio on you're gonna miss♪ ♪ me when i'm gone you're gonna miss me when i'm gone racing shadows♪ ♪ in the moonlight through the desert on a hot night and for a second♪ ♪ there we'd won yeah, we were innocent and young cast out of the night♪
black you should've seen your ♪ ♪ little face burning for love holding on for your life all i wanted was a little attention♪ ♪ a little tenderness and truth i didn't ask for much, no talk about being at the ♪ ♪ the dust cloud is settled and my eyes are clear but sometimes in dreams of impact i still hear♪ ♪ miss atomic bomb i'm standing here sweat on my skin and this love that i've cradled is wearing thin ♪
♪ but i'm standing here and you're too late your shockwave whispered and sealed your fate♪ ♪ it feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back you run for cover but you can't escape the second attack ♪ ♪ feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back you run for cover but you can't escape the second attack ♪ ♪ your soul was innocent you kissed him and she painted it black you should've seen your ♪ ♪ little face burning for love holding on for your life all i ♪ little face burning for love holding[ female announcer ]l i pillsbury grands biscuits on their own are amazing, but press out some biscuit dough, add some sauce and some pepperoni and cheese and monday's dinner is now a grands mini pizza party. pillsbury grands biscuits.
>> jimmy: i want to thank julianna margulies, jesse tyler ferguson. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. tomorrow night, melanie griffith, kerry washington, the first castoff from "dancing with the stars" and music from alanis morissette. the new album "battle born" is out now playing us off the air with "runaways", see the full performance at jimmykimmellive.com once again, the killers! goodnight!